There’s a few things that have been swirling around recently that I just realised come down to the same thing. Firstly, there’s been family conflict in my vicinity and I’ve had to wrangle with when I stand up for myself and when I just let things lie. Secondly, there’s been ongoing debate raging in the ‘churchosphere’ about the role of women in the church. I myself am a complementarian (men and women were created equally but with differing roles and functions – but that does not take away from our partnership for the gospel, nor do those differences have any difference in value). While most people of the opposing view I find to be thoughtful, intentional and passionate to live obediently in Christ, I have been told by others that I am on the wrong side of history, that I’m an enabler of the patriarchy, or that I have internalised misogyny. The third thing that happened recently was a really really good sermon at church on Sunday that spoke into all these things.
The really really great sermon
The sermon was on Romans 14 and quarreling within the church over disputable matters. In the case of Paul, he was talking about differences in what people eat and which day they say is sacred. The thrust of Paul’s exhortation is that some Christians take on behaviours that restrict them (eg by not eating meat) and that when we exercise our freedom in a different way (because the matter is not a salvation issue), we are not to look down on fellow Christians who do so. Far from it, if exercise of our freedom would cause our fellow Christian to stumble, we should sacrifice that freedom for their sake.
The sermon put this into a modern scenario – someone might think its no big deal to let the kids celebrate Halloween but then realised that in doing so, some older members of the community might find that problematic. So there is perhaps a choice to be made to sacrifice celebrating Halloween for the sake of Christian brothers and sisters.
What the sermon made me realise is how much this spirit of willing sacrifice for the sake of others, is so opposite to the world we live in. The world currently says that my life is my journey and if we differ, you need to become accommodated to my choices. Everyone else should sacrifice for me – not me for you.
As Christians, there are many things that are disputable matters (ie more than just preference, but less than core doctrinal issues) that we might sacrifice. And we do so because of love. We are to love our neighbour, not judge them “Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put a stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister….If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love….Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approved. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.” (Romans 14:13-23)
Who do we surrender to?
I found the sermon profound. It made me consider do we exalt our own choices because we judge others and believe we know better? Or do we sacrifice because we surrender to God rather than ourselves?
The world tells us that sacrifice is always bad. It is limiting our choices. It restricts our journey/needs/wants/appetites.
But it goes deeper into who we are. Men are commonly taught (directly or by inference) that if they surrender they are weak. They have let someone else have their way. They have been beaten – as though everything is a zero-sum game. If they have surrendered something, then someone else has gained more. To surrender means to have lost something. People might see them as weak.
Women have often been taught that their surrender is forced and, now having more cultural power, should not have to surrender any more. To surrender is to leave us exposed and vulnerable to attacks or people taking our power or worth. People might see us as weak.
For both men and women then, to surrender means a loss of power. It means an inherent weakness and vulnerability to attack. In our world, there is ample evidence to show that fear is a reasonable one. Men and women are attacked often and repeatedly. In all spaces, there is sinfulness that means that an attack can come from anywhere at any time. It could be direct as a physical or verbal attack. It could be by circumstance, with someone else gaining the upper hand in a work scenario or a family dispute. It could be an anonymous attack online. Everywhere we look, weakness makes you vulnerable. And if weakness comes from surrender we have to fight our corner and retain our power by any means necessary.
How do we know when its right to surrender?
In the recent conflict I stood up for myself, largely because it was a situation that could not be allowed to continue for the sake of others. But I surrender to God in how I stand up for myself and how I then try to process the events without falling into vengefulness or grudge-keeping. And that is not easy when I would dearly love to hold a grudge and use it as a foundation for petty revenge in the future.
I am a complementarian because I surrender to God’s will for my life as a woman. That is hard when I know I could have the ability to teach men as well as women and I know I could have the ability to lead wisely. The world’s will for me is that I stay on the “right side of history” and step up in female power to overturn the status quo. But that is not what scripture tells me is God’s will. I believe that we should test doctrine and I recognise my egalitarian brothers and sisters who wholeheartedly believe the same thing, with a different outcome. We all take the primacy of God’s word even though we disagree. I hope and pray that we will continue a respectful and loving discourse on those matters. My point of surrender in this moment is rather against the worldly push. I surrender to God’s will rather than claiming overturn of doctrine to be “progress” because our cultural moment deems it to be so.
I surrender to the teaching of my ministers at church because under their authority and God’s word, faithfully taught by them, I am constantly reminded that surrender is an ongoing process that keeps step with both my sanctification and my sinfulness.
Surrender is not a default setting I can achieve and “set and forget”. My sinful heart controls my speech, my attitudes, my behaviour and my choices a thousand times a day depending on every little variable. That includes how well I have slept, how dearly I hold the thing I need to sacrifice and how great the pressure or attack I feel from others. Surrender happens daily. I must submit myself to God’s will constantly because my heart will always be prone to prioritising myself.
Surrender also walks hand in hand with a growing wisdom and discernment. Christ began this work in me and will finish it. I must go where he leads and that includes sacrificing for the love of God and the love of my neighbour. The world says one thing. Christ says another. I need the wisdom to know which is which, when it matters and what to do about it.
Does that make me weak? In one sense no – because I surrender to God, not everyone else all the time in all circumstances. If I am treated badly or attacked, I get to defend myself. I just don’t get to do it in anger or vengeance.
In another sense yes. Jesus warned that following him was not easy. But God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. And, (as pointed out in godly wisdom, Alistair Begg said) that if dependance (on God) is the objective, then weakness is an advantage.
It is not easy. I feel it. I don’t like the idea of being vulnerable to the attack of others or exposed in my weakness to the world. I don’t like that while I try to do the hard work of obedience in Christ, that others don’t and so could take advantage of it, and hold power over me. The world has taught me that this is so. People will be cruel. People will take advantage. People will expect me to sacrifice so they don’t have to. But God already knows that. Our surrender is what God asks of us within and despite a fallen world.
I can’t judge or make assumptions about others’ motivation and then refuse to surrender because I anticipate “losing” against them. If I am to seek the kingdom first, that means surrendering to God’s will and then enacting faithful obedience in each situation. Surrender is antithesis to the teaching of the world. Sacrifice is opposite to the teaching of the world.
But we are in the world, not of it and this life is momentary and fleeting.
7But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:7-11)