Is the church right about divorce? Part 1 A Biblical Overview

The world quite likes Jesus. They just don’t like us. Let me explain. Research in the US in May 2023 identified that 40% of people with no faith have a positive view of Jesus, but only 21-22% have a positive view of Christianity and the churches in their community and only 9% have a positive view of Evangelicals. Only 15% of people with no faith saw it as a faith they respected and with 38% seeing it as out of touch with reality and 48-49% seeing it at judgemental and hypocritical respectively.[1]

The reasons for these results are many and varied and can range from what we believe and teach, to people’s personal experiences in the past, to modern views on what the church and God should be that fits their personal sense of justice and fairness.

An obvious area where the world believes we are out of touch and judgemental is in marriage, divorce and remarriage. Marriage today is in many ways similar to how it was in the Roman world. While elements of romantic love are different, marriage in both eras is considered something that works until it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, as difficult as it can be, you can extricate yourself with relative ease. The church on the other hand, works from God-breathed Scripture, which permits and regulates divorce in some cases only. How this has been applied in the past has been variable (which is the subject of Part 2 of this article). Sometimes this has been applied without compassion and sometimes has pushed Scripture further than it should go by refusing re-marriage to those whose divorce was permitted by Scripture. On both counts, it is necessary to be clear about what those permitted grounds are.

An important distinction

It is important to note that marriage is an institution established by God as a created good for his people (Gen. 2:24-25). Divorce was permitted by God and regulated by the Law (cf. Ex. 21:10-11 and Deut. 24:1) because of the sinfulness of humans (Matt. 19:8). It is not a divine ordination or a gift, it is a necessary provision to avoid the enslavement of people in situations of wickedness. The point of divorce therefore was to provide proof that the parties are free to re-marry. This is why divorce provisions were so important: if there was no provision, you were not free to re-marry because the divorce was not permitted in the first place.

Old Testament divorce: Deuteronomy 24:1-4

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord.

Deut. 24:1 provides the regulation for divorce by a man of his wife. This passage does not relate to divorce in and of itself but the act of re-marrying one’s former spouse after she has been married to someone else, as a matter of bringing impurity on the people of Israel. But in so doing, we see that divorce was permitted in cases of sexual immorality.

Old Testament divorce: Exodus 21:10-11

If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

Ex. 21:10-11 provides grounds for a woman to leave her husband. “While these seem specific items, there is a moral principle in this passage regarding marital neglect or abuse.[2] Not all scholars include this latter passage as evidence of the regulation of divorce.[3] However, some Jewish teachers did identify it as such.[4] While the Mishnah (Rabbinic teachers’ commentary on Scripture) is focused on pinpointing how many times a married couple should have sex, the neglect of marital rights has been more broadly been described as ‘emotional neglect’.[5]

Old Testament divorce: Malachi 2:16

Some view Malachi 2:16 as a new and less tolerant attitude to divorce by God[6] particularly because of differences in translation. The New American Standard Bible (NASB) translates the passage as “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord”. The Holman Christian Standard Bible, English Standard Version and New International Version render the phrase as “The man who does not love/hates and divorces his wife says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect.”

Whichever view of the translation is taken, Grudem points out that it does not mean that God identifies all divorce as morally wrong, but that divorce grieves God.[7] This passage, while giving a clear indication of God’s view of covenant breaking, is more broadly focussed on Judah’s unfaithfulness (cf. 2:11) as well as the character of his people as evidenced in their behaviour. For example, here the husband is the one who has been unfaithful (2:14) and yet he is the one who divorces his wife, apparently through no fault on her part.

Further, this “hatred” of divorce is not the same as condemnation and prohibition. God himself had given Israel certificate of divorce in Jeremiah 3:8 “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery.”

So, God’s hatred is understandable. He knows firsthand the betrayal and the pain. But his hatred of divorce is not a prohibition.

New Testament divorce: Mark 10:1-12, Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:3-9

 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”  “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:3-9 brings together the main points of Mark 10:1-12 and Matthew 5:31-32 and on first reading, this sounds like Jesus is reducing the permitted divorce scenarios down to just one (Deut. 24:1 and not the grounds in Ex. 21:10-11).

Some context is helpful here. By Jesus’ time, divorce among the Jews had become common based on the specific teaching of Hillel on Deut. 24:1. He argued that the addition of the words “because he has found a cause of sexual immorality in her…” (which has been smoothed out in our modern translations) is superfluous unless it means sexual immorality and any other cause.[8] While the rabbinic school of Shammai disagreed with this reading, the ‘Any cause’ divorce took off, especially because for any-cause divorce, you only needed to provide a certificate–there was no public investigation to establish sexual immorality. This had become the primary means of divorce in the time of Jesus. In fact, Joseph planning to divorce Mary quietly because he did not wan to expose her to public disgrace (Matt. 1:19) was just such an any-cause divorce because if he had divorced her for adultery there would have had to have been a public investigation.

What this means, argues Instone-Brewer, is that when Jesus is asked “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” he is not being asked about divorce generally, but whether he stands with Shammai or Hillel regarding ‘Any cause’ divorce. Jesus disagrees with Shammai’s interpretation of Deut. 24:1 and affirms that it is just for sexual immorality. At the same time, he re-affirms God’s plans for marriage.[9]

Instone-Brewer argues that since Jesus did not come to abolish the Law but to fulfill them (Matt. 5:17) and since Jesus affirmed and amplified the application of Law through the demeanour of the heart, it is reasonable to assume that the grounds of removal of material support and affection still applied along with sexual immorality. As noted by Instone-Brewer, Jesus does not speak about those specific grounds in Ex. 21:10-11 because he was not asked about them whereas he was specific asked about the grounds of Deut. 24:1. Jesus only spoke about those matters which required specific amendment through his fulfillment of the Law and so we should not assume that he over-turned this specific Law by its absence in Jesus’ recorded words.

A note of caution here. The Shammai/Hillel debate is known and acknowledged by most commentators, as is Jesus’ the repudiation of any-cause divorce and Shammai’s reading of Deut. 24:1.[10] Arguing for the continuation of Ex. 21:10-11, while logical, cannot be proved as it argues from silence. The other difficulty is that if we were to argue strictly from the moral principles of that passage, we (not Scripture) have smoothed a lack of marital sex into emotional neglect which could mean abuse but could also mean anything and everything. To view Ex. 21:10-11 too broadly could draw us to personal preference rather than scriptural rigour. But thankfully, we find further guidance in the pastoral letters.

Side note: Let no-one put asunder

Matthew 19:6 quotes Jesus as saying “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” This has been taken in the past as a contraction of the divorce regulations to a full prohibition. But the flow of this passage is important: The Pharisees ask Jesus is any-cause divorce is lawful. Jesus responds with what marriage is supposed to be, concluding that what God joined together in marriage, people shouldn’t separate (ie that was not the plan for marriage). When the Pharisees misunderstand and query why divorce was allowed, Jesus clarifies and confirms that Moses regulated divorce because we are sinful. This passage re-affirms the created good of marriage and prioritises its protection, but is not a prohibition of a gracious provision given because we are incurably sinful.

New Testament divorce: 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”

Again, this sounds on first reading as though Paul is narrowing the avenues for divorce but knowledge of the time serves us well. A Roman divorce was as easy as leaving the house (if you spouse owned it) or throwing your spouse out of the house (if you owned it).[11] What Paul is speaking into here is not a prohibition on divorce, but a polemic against quicky-Roman divorce. A woman should not divorce by just leaving and a man should not throw her out. In real terms this favoured the woman since it was more likely that the man owned the house and so was a protection for her against her husband throwing her out.

New Testament divorce: 1 Corinthians 7:15-16

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Paul adds divorce by desertion of an unbelieving spouse. He exhorts his readers to remain with an unbelieving spouse (in case they come to the Lord), but if they leave, then that person is not condemned to remain separated-but- married for the rest of their lives (ie deserted by the unbelieving spouse but not allowed to be free to remarry). In addition, he says “in cases such as these…” which arguably widens the lens on desertion as there must be other similar cases Paul has in mind.[12] These similar cases might include the irretrievable breakdown of a marriage where there has been repeated by unsuccessful attempts at repairing the marriage including a lack of true repentance on the part of an offending spouse.[13]

So, what divorce is biblically permitted?

As a divorced person with theological training I get asked this question a lot. Sometimes I am interested in what sits behind this question. Is it that the person is thinking about divorce but would like it to be a “permitted” kind? Is it because they have a cultural memory of the church saying that all divorce is bad and they want to know if they can leave a marriage that is emotionally or physically destructive? Is it that they are in emotional overwhelm and they need to understand the paths before them?

The second part of this blog will dive into the pastoral implications, because how we apply our theology is very important.

This leaves us for the moment with a few headline pieces of biblical wisdom:

• Marriage is a created good, established by God and the preference will be to prioritise repair and restoration of the marriage (except in some circumstances).
• Divorce is permitted (ie not considered sinful) in cases of:
  • Adultery/sexual relationship with a person outside the marriage
  • Abandonment where “the other partner has decisively repudiated the original relationship.”[14]
• Separation or divorce permitted on the grounds of religious persecution or mental or physical cruelty of the spouse or children, being an example of “such cases” on view in 1 Cor. 15.[15]

We may feel compelled by the world to widen the lens on permitted divorce in order to justify our current cultural climate. I know some people reading that will feel outraged at the implications for limitation of freedom and the call to prioritise restoration of a marriage one already feels is dead. The importance of prioritising repair in marriage is not to enslave people within destructive marriages, but to strengthen them before they reach that point and where possible, avoid those issues in the first place. I believe church is uniquely placed to assist in this–not in forcing people to stay in destructive marriages but in providing marriage strengthening courses. Generally in the world, courses are attended when there is already a problem and that can be helpful, no doubt. Building a Safe and Strong Marriage provided by the Mental Health + Pastoral Care Institute can be done by couples or churches for groups. The Marriage Course can be run by churches for groups or you can find one through their website near you and attend. The aim of courses such as these is shoring up a marriage before it reaches crisis point. Research actually shows that just 8 hours of relationship skills education over a 12-month period results in lower divorce rates and higher relationship satisfaction (Communio, Nationwide Survey of Faith and Relationships, p15).

Of course, divorces for other reasons do happen and our pastoral application or our applied theology, needs to be seasoned with salt as well as compassionate. This is the subject of the next part of this article. I know you may have questions. I pray that Part 2 of this blog will help to answer them.

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[1] https://www.barna.com/research/openness-to-jesus/

[2] David Instone-Brewer (2003) Divorce and Remarriage in the Church. Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities, 35 and 76

[3] Notably Wayne Grudem in What the Bible says about Divorce and Remarriage and 21/82 The Remarriage of Divorced Persons, A report from the Diocesan Doctrine Commission and John Piper in his response to Instone-Brewer’s book, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/tragically-widening-the-grounds-of-legitimate-divorce

[4] Mishnah Ketubot 5:6-8 This document is dated to the 1^st century BC and 1^st century AD. It notes the teaching of Shammai and Hillel whose schools were active during that period https://www.sefaria.org/English_Explanation_of_Mishnah_Ketubot.5.6.2?lang=bi

[5] Vered Hillel, July 5 2015, A Messianic View of Divorce, Kesher. A Journal of Messianic Judaism https://www.kesherjournal.com/article/a-messianic-jewish-view-of-divorce/

[6] David W. Baker, The NIV Application Commentary. Joel, Obadiah, Malachi, 259

[7] David W. Baker, The NIV Application Commentary. Joel, Obadiah, Malachi, 259

[8] Instone-Brewer: 37-39

[9] Grudem, What the Bible says about Divorce and Remarriage, 19

[10] 21/82 The Remarriage of Divorced Persons, A report from the Diocesan Doctrine Commission para 3.3 and 3.12.

[11] Instone-Brewer, 54

[12] Grudem, 38-44

[13] Gruden, 60-61

[14] 21/82 The Remarriage of Divorced Persons, A report from the Diocesan Doctrine Commission para 4.11

[15] Grudem, 45-47