Today (25th November) is the International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women led by the United Nations. It begins 16 days of activism that many organisations get involved in. The Australian Government advertising for this says:
- Violence against women is preventable. It starts with challenging attitudes and behaviours that cause harm.
- It takes action from everyone to ensure women and girls are safe
- If you see disrespect or abuse – online or in person – you should call it out
- Real change takes action from governments, digital platforms, businesses and individuals
- Together we can build a safer Australia because every woman and girl should live in a world where they are safe everywhere always
The global scale of violence against women worldwide is staggering. UN Women estimates that one in three women – that’s an estimated 840 million women – aged 15 and over have been subjected to physical and/or sexual violence. They estimate that 83,300 women were intentionally murdered in 2024 of which 50,000 women were killed by an intimate partner. That’s an average of 137 women and girls who lose their lives every day at the hands of their partner or close relative.
The reasons are many. For instance, in 2022, only 14 per cent of all women and girls – about 557 million – were living in countries with robust legal protection to guarantee women’s fundamental human rights, over 60 per cent of countries still lack rape laws based on the principle of consent and 139 countries lack adequate legislation prohibiting child marriage.
We may think this is something that happens to socially and economically disadvantaged people far away from the nice tidy air conditioned lives we lead but here’s some sobering facts from Australia:
- 1 in 5 women had experienced sexual violence since the age of 15
- 1 in 4 women (23% or 2.3 million) have experienced violence by an intimate partner since the age of 15
- 1 in 4 women had experienced emotional abuse by a current or previous cohabiting partner since the age of 15
- In 2021-22, 3 in 10 (32% or 6,500) assault hospitalisations were due to family and domestic violence
- 80% of women report that their ex-partner had replaced physical abuse with financial abuse via child support as a way to control them since they separated
- There have been 1,710 female victims of intimate partner homicide in Australia from 1 July 1989 to 30 June 2024
- 23% of respondents to a survey in 2021 believed domestic violence is a normal reaction to day-to-day stress
- 25% believed that women who do not leave their abusive partners are partly responsible for violence continuing
Violence in our world is everywhere. It is at our door. Not in a third world country or some war torn area. It is at our door. It is happening on our street. It is happening in our churches. And we still have attitudes towards it (see those last 2 dot points) that explains away or justifies it happening. And if we do nothing, it will keep happening.
This was not God’s plan for the world. The sinfulness involved in this kind of violence of thought and violence of action breaks God’s heart. And so it should break ours too. It should make us want to act. It should give us a sense of urgency in educating our sons on how to treat women with respect. It should make us passionate to educate our daughters on the behaviour that they should not accept from people.
It should make us want to act in God’s holy name to change hearts and minds, to support healthy behaviour in marriage (and call it out when it isn’t), to write letters to our representatives, yes, to fund shelters and safe escapes, but to work to stop this violence before it starts.
One of the clearest statements in that regard came from former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull when he said “disrespecting women does not always result in violence against
women. But all violence against women begins with disrespecting women.”
The Sydney Anglican Diocese has a policy on domestic abuse, the very first words of which are “All forms of domestic abuse are wrong and perpetrators must stop.”
How then, as Christians do we turn these sentiments into lasting repentant change in our world?
There is nothing I know that spurs us to change more than holy Scripture. The Sydney Diocese policy makes it clear – we are equal image bearers of God, the Bible rejects all abuse and “domestic abuse is evil. Such sin is deceptive in its power and damaging in
its effects”. Physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, financial, sexual or any other kind of violence is an abuse of power. It is taking or assuming power over another and abusing it.
God has the ultimate power over us, but he never abuses it. He is just and righteous and loving. Relationships should aspire to this, and our interpretation of “just” and “righteous” and “loving” should come from him, not from ourselves. A human interpretation of those words can twist them to provide a justification for abusive behaviour.
So, here’s some ideas for action:
Increase the discourse and action around appropriate behaviour in relationships
I would recommend reading Jen Wilkin’s In His Image: 10 Ways God Calls Us to Reflect His Character. This is what should be reflected into relationships. This will enable you, your friends, your Bible study leaders, your pastors and (if you are female reading this) – all their husbands – to be clear about what role godly character needs to play to avoid inappropriate or disrespectful behaviour in relationships. I would also encourage reading the Sydney Diocese policy and guidance document.
And there may need to be discussion.
And there may need to be some self-reflection.
And there may need to be some calling out, of the behaviour itself, or the justification of the behaviour through a skewed interpretation of what is “loving”.
And there may need to be a call to repentance.
This is not a quick process. But it is important. The more we don’t talk about healthy relationships, the more we don’t see or call out behaviour that is potentially harmful or damaging. If 1 in 4 women has, or is, experiencing domestic abuse, that is potentially 25% of the women in your church.
I did talks at a women’s retreat some years ago and in a seminar setting, the subject of sexual coercion came up, that is, being put in the position of having to have sex with a husband when they didn’t want to, through bullying behaviour. There were around 30 women at the event and separately over the course of the weekend, three women approached me to talk about how damaged they felt from this very thing. Two of them had been experiencing this for nearly 30 years in their marriage. They did not feel their marriages were big ‘A’ abusive but all three felt that their marriages were fractured and unhappy. And all three had children who had grown up in homes where they took their cues on how to treat wives, or be treated as a wife, within those homes.
Learn what is happening on our doorstep
The figure below is a snip from the NSW crime tool showing the Sydney area. The darker the colour, the higher the incidents of reported domestic assaults (some as high as 3 or 4 times the NSW average). And these are just the reported assaults.
Source: NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research
There could also be non-reported events happening behind closed doors in other suburbs where there are particular stressors. There are higher likelihoods of family violence in rural areas, where there is a disability, or in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families. There are also situational stressors like financial stress, or where there is a history of gambling, or alcohol. On State of Origin nights, domestics assaults increase by 40%, on Christmas day and Boxing Day, there are 78% more domestic violence related assaults than on an average day and New Years Day sees an increase of 118% of domestic violence related assaults.
We cannot look away from what is happening across the world and on our own doorstep.
Pray
The Bible says to pray without ceasing. Mothers Union Australia has 16 days of prayer which aligns with the UN Women 16 days of advocacy – and before you think that sounds lame, Mothers Union is a worldwide organisation in 84 countries with over 4 million members and is an exemplar of the ministry of small things making big differences. You can also join Mothers Union Sydney if you are based here.
Pray for marriages in your church, pray for your suburbs, pray for marriage across the world. Pray without ceasing for the hidden secret abuses. For this physical abuse, the assaults and the murders, for the financial abuse, the sexual abuse, the mis-use of Scripture. Pray for it all.
Ask your minister
This is an issue which touches us all in our churches. Each church should have a domestic abuse policy but talk to your minister about how the whole church can be more aware, and more involved in supporting strong (authentically strong) marriages and how to empower men to call out the micro-aggressions and disrespectful behaviour.
What are micro-aggressions? These are subtle things, things that often might go unnoticed or dismissed as a joke like comments about girls or women, jokes about up-skirting or boys taking advantage of girls. The youth and young adults today, particularly since covid, have partially lived on a diet of “red pill” content in the manosphere. The red pill links to The Matrix when the main character chooses the red pill that will tell him the truth. The “truth” in the manosphere, is that men should take what they want, that women are running the world and are taking advantage of men. Women are to be hated and controlled. Its Andrew Tate and rape culture and creates an online echo chamber that teenagers don’t have the tools or experience to know is false. And so micro-aggressions towards women emerge, persist and become disrespect and misogyny in full bloom, providing fertile ground for violence towards women or condoning violence towards women.
We have the words of eternal life – we have the real truth, that given to us by God and so we need our churches to give our youth and young adults strong senses of belonging and of image bearing. We cannot combat what people are seeing on social media. But we can give them alternate views and a healthy cultural and spiritual diet. We can make them aware – we shouldn’t assume that they know all that stuff is just for the algorithm. They don’t. We need to give them (boys and girls) the tools to navigate culture and keep coming back to God as their ultimate source of truth. But our awareness raising with them needs to be regular and unambiguous.
Part of the 16 days of advocacy includes online and digital abuse. Is there a way your church can raise awareness or talk about some of these issues, or pray through youth groups and Bible studies to explain clearly and unambiguously how wrong any form of abuse is. And we know that the act online isn’t just the abuse – the person’s heart displays what they truly believe.
Join grass roots campaigns
I want to fly the flag for Collective Shout who work tirelessly through advocacy and online petitions to take a stand against sexploitation. This includes campaigns to have advertising removed that is overly sexualized and aimed towards teens, or that minimises (or even encourages!) violence against women and girls. Collective Shout is a Christian based organisation through its Director, Melinda Tankard Reist who works extensively is a campaign against porn (including her book Big Porn Inc: Exposing the Harms of the Global Pornography Industry).
Talk to your husbands, sons and daughters
I say “husbands” because the majority of my readers are women – but if you are a man reading this – I am so thrilled! Having conversations as a married couple might be hard if there are some things that are happening that are not abusive but could be unhealthy. But communication is important. You will be vulnerable with each other. Care for each other. Love one another. Be courageous with each other. Because if you are strong and able to communicate, you will be able to have clear conversations with your sons and daughters.
I was absolutely gutted recently when a young adult girl told me that someone had sent her a nude photo of themselves. Firstly, why would anyone do that? Secondly, why would they think that is an ok thing to do? The girl just brushed it off and said she ignored it. I was really heart broken. Is this where we have come to? That sending nudes is so ubiquitous that it is expected, even seen as romantic? Have we become so culturally numb that we just gloss over these things?
Lets not ignore these things. I was truly shattered for that girl that she thought that was all she could expect from a prospective boyfriend. What if that had been your daughter receiving that? What if that had been your son sending it?
The extent of this issue is so vast it can feel overwhelming. But we need to remember that it begins in the home, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bedroom. As Christians, we should care about the things that God cares about. We are his hands and feet in the world – we could be the answer to prayer that someone so desperately needs. Let us join together to combat this evil.
Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. (Is. 1:17a)