Getting older is great – in some ways. I mean, everything hurts all the time and I can’t seem to move without making weird noises. But on the other hand, I’ve hit the sweet spot in my career where I actually know some things and feel more confident and I’m too old and too tired to really care about the small stuff.
I have learned several things as I have got older. For example, never put pea protein powder in a smoothie – always use the taste-free powder. And, never balance your double wall coffee glasses too high on the upper kitchen shelf. And, always check how far the dog can reach before you leave the pizza delivery on the benchtop.
One thing I have definitely learned as I have got older is that two things can be true at the same time. What I have also learned is that one thing is true, objectively, for all of us.
How do those two things work?
Two things can be true at the same time
When I was younger, I thought I was right. I judged myself by my intentions, but others by their actions which meant that my view was the true one. What I have learned though is that two people can have a conversation and come away thinking they were right and the other person was wrong. They can have the same discussion and both think something entirely different had been communicated – and they can both be correct.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that this is the case always. Sometimes people can be objectively cruel, mean, abrasive and unpleasant, reacting poorly, creating drama and even twisting what is being said. This observation does not excuse bad behaviour. It does not justify cruelty by providing warrant for “different points of view”. If one person has been verbally attacked, it cannot be dismissed by the attacker as just being the attacked person’s opinion. If anything, that makes the behavior worse by invalidating the other persons feelings and rejecting any sense of responsibility for hurt caused.
What I am talking about are conversations that can happen where emotions run high and where common ground is being sought but the communication just keeps missing the mark to the extent that the same conversation can mean two different things.
I’ll give you an example. My son is 15 and so is feeling everything, all at once, all the time. When we inevitably hit one of those times when I feel disrespected and he feels hemmed in, we can argue and both come away feeling that the other one wasn’t listening. And both of us would be correct.
Another example. At work recently, I was brokering an interpersonal truce between co-workers. Something off the cuff was said by one that was without meaning or malice, but I could see the other take immediate offence, so she withdrew behind her barriers. Sensing her pulling away, the other, for the best of intentions, tried to “reach her” by explaining more forcefully thinking it would help. And so the cycle descended. After the meeting, both thought the other was the rude and insensitive one. And both were correct.
This is the plank in our eye that we should remove, before we judge the speck of dust in the other persons eye (Matt. 7:3-5). We are called to be humble, self-controlled, compassionate and loving people. And what does that look like in real life? James tells us that “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20). Even when we are in non-Christian contexts – as I am when I am at work – we should be guided by this wisdom. That means we can empathetically work with people to see all sides, and not create echo-chambers of mutual self-righteousness. That means no gossiping, no getting involved in drama, no creating sides to be on. A good example for us to follow is Abigail and Nabal in Samuel 25. Nabal insulted David unnecessarily and David, driven by his emotions, decides to slay everyone in a show of disproportionate anger. Abigail is the peacemaker. She is calm and sees both sides and David praises her for her good judgement.
With parenting, I have changed (as far as I am able as I am learning these teen years!) and try to listen first to what my son is thinking and feeling instead of how I feel. Godly discipline should be rational and developmental – not just punitive for a missed dinner or a forgotten homework. I have found Jocelyn Loane’s book on Motherhood very helpful in this respect, giving me ideas around how to approach discipline from younger through to these teen years.
The one thing that is true
While on one side I have learned that multiple viewpoints must be taken into account, on the other side, I have learned that there is one objective truth that covers us all. God, the God of the Bible, is the one true way of salvation. For many today that can feel offensive to other faiths. One person’s faith is “true for them” which means all things are true. Or people assume that all roads lead to the same heaven. The trouble is that this is not what the Bible tells us. Scripture is very clear. Jesus said quite clearly and without ambiguation that “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6).
There is one way.
I appreciate that people want everyone to be happy and so want their truth to be true for them. But truth doesn’t work that way. I would love my book case to be made of chocolate biscuits but that is objectively not true. I used a frivolous example to make a point. Some things are objectively true whether we believe it not and whether we like it or not. The Bible tells us that the way to salvation is through Christ alone. It is our faith in him that unlocks our eternal future.
I understand people find that idea unnecessarily restricting and unfair. We want to be the people to decide what is fair and right. Unfortunately, when we choose what is fair and right, we are making ourselves god. Someone makes these judgements. It’s me or someone else. I am saying that our faith is based on God being that person and not me. When we make ourselves gods, the Bible says that way is sin and the consequences are severe.
The consequences of God deciding what is right and good? Amazing. While the idea might grate, the reality is that God has us in his hand and loves us so much that he actually gave his son to die for us, that we might be with him in eternity in heaven. That as an objective truth is stunning. Many reject this as an objective truth. I get that. But we just keep witnessing to the world through word and deed – through the words of God himself in the Bible, and in deed, as we seek to live out our sanctification (see the first section of this post for some of that!) and show God’s love in action. We ourselves become carriers of God’s message of hope.
As I write this, we are heading towards Christmas. The time when God was incarnated as a tiny baby, to live among us, to grow and live a fully human life and eventually, take the punishment meant for us. We know Jesus in the pages of Scripture and Jesus said “If you really know me, you will know my Father as well.” (John 14:7). Jesus is the image of the imageless God.
To begin to seek the truth, get to know Jesus in the gospels. And you will have met God.