I’m a single mum but I don’t think I would be alone in saying that sometimes I am so tired of all the responsibility in life. I don’t know what it looks like for you, but for me, I am exhausted with making all the decisions, from how the money is spent (or not), to what is the highest and best use of our time as a family, to which battle to pick with the kids and what is the best form of discipline in this context for their age group.
It’s the mental load that most women carry but on steroids. This is the bigger stuff. There’s already a baseline of mental fatigue there thinking about dinner and washing and the timing of the dinner and the washing to make sure I can finish work and everyone is where they are supposed to be and get back again, but still get fed and have clothes to wear, and can I finish work by that time and have they done their homework and how long have they been on devices now? And was that electricity bill paid and did I remember to book that doctors appointment and have I re-arranged things on Saturday so they can get to that party, which reminds me I need to organise a gift, did I hear one of them cough earlier, did that sound chesty, I need to clear the storage chests out of the garage and email the school about that issue and where did I leave my mug of tea?
Mums know this. The mental load is never ending. It’s not thinking about the next thing, its thinking about all the things that have to happen to get us to the next thing, and all the things we have to rearrange as a consequence of the next thing. Its thinking all. the. time.
On top of that, I am a pretty capable woman. I run the home as a single mum (but I recognise that many non-single mums have sole responsibility for this too!). At work I am a project director so my job is literally anticipating risk and problem solving on the go. At church I run a ministry.
But I’m so tired of running things. I’m so exhausted of everything all being on me. I’m so sick of making all the decisions.
Some things are easy to deal with – I am blessed with amazing ministers and so when I went to one and said that I can still write the studies and run the program every fortnight but I can’t do the team management or rostering, they stepped in. What is not so easy is the internal dialogue I have when I know I should spend time with God in Word and prayer.
It goes something like this:
Me: I should be reading my Bible and praying.
Also me: But I feel so unmotivated.
Me: …….
Also me:…….
Me: You should tell yourself to just do it.
Also me: But I’m so tired of telling people what to do and being responsible for everything and everyone – including myself.
Me: Let’s just sit here then.
Also me: Yes, thanks goodness. No decisions to make. I’m gonna just curl up here and pretend not to be an adult for a bit.
The trouble is, we all know where this leads. The longer you don’t spend time with God, the easier it is to keep not spending time with him. And that affects how you behave, what you think about, how you lead others (including your kids) which then impacts them. Also, spending time with God in this scenario is avoiding something burdensome. But Jesus’ burden is light (Matthew 11:30) so whatever burden I am feeling is not coming from him. It’s coming from me.
I’d been doing some work in Genesis 22 recently (the passage where Abraham’s faith is tested) and then it came up as a sermon at church (thanks, God, for making a point!). The sermon reminded me that faith is so much easier when there’s nothing on the line. But real faith is tested. And God provides what he demands. He demanded that Abraham sacrifice his only son, Isaac, but provided a substitute.
He provided me with a saviour. He provided me with someone who I can rely on instead of myself. I want to express my faith in obedience but sometimes I don’t have it in me to lead myself. The answer is not to avoid everything. The answer is to let Jesus lead me.
Here’s how that looks in a different internal dialogue:
Me: I should be reading my Bible and praying.
Also me: But I feel so unmotivated.
Me: Help me Father. I feel so tired of being in charge all the time. Please Father, lead me. Help me with motivation and energy and in the meantime, please provide your word and knowledge of your presence in my life in ways I can cope with until I have recovered from this fatigue.
God provides. When we don’t have it in us, he does. We just need to surrender our fatigue to him instead of treating it like a burden to be avoided. Let this be our internal dialogue in those moments and let ourselves relax into him – like floating on the surface of a warm sea while he carries us along.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)